Me

Whole.

Today I hit a milestone and I am really excited about it. It’s not like the jumping for joy, look what I did excitement, but more of a I feel at peace and feel like I can kick back and relax and it enjoy it kind of excitement. It took a lot of work to get here and it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Almost a year ago exactly I started counseling. I wrote more about that here, but it has been quite a journey. I’m not shy about sharing my experiences with counseling and how beneficial I think it is for anyone and everyone and that it’s been one of the best decisions I could make for myself. I highly recommend it.

About six months ago I started a type of therapy called EMDR, it’s kinda hard to explain, but it’s a process that helps you let go of painful memories, experiences or beliefs and helps remove negative cognitions that one has always had through stimulation resembling REM sleep. This stimulation helps your brain process things and resolve feelings and beliefs not yet resolved. Sometimes I just explain it like magic because of how effective it is and I don’t really understand how it works so well, your brain and what it can do is cool, you guys!

Today I finished EMDR and boy, has it been a long journey! I’m not quite sure I knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed to try this. At times I thought I was going crazy, other times I never knew I could feel so many things, at other moments I wanted to quit, and most of the time I knew it was exactly what I needed.

One day within this process my counselor told me, everyone desires to be…I thought she was going to say happy, but she didn’t, she said…everyone desires to be whole. And I thought, yes! That is so much better than just being happy. That is what I want, I want to be whole. I want to live my life making healthy choices that contribute to my wholeness. Yes, I want to be happy, but I know that’s a fleeting feeling that is based on circumstances, but being whole is not. Being whole is knowing who you are, loving who you are, knowing that you’re someone who is always growing, evolving and learning, showing yourself grace, acknowledging all that you feel, and the freedom to claim and live into your story and out of your wholeness loving others well. I want to be a whole person, that is what I desire.

Today’s milestone of completing EMDR in counseling in no way says, hey I made it! I’m whole and that’s it! I will always continue to improve myself, to continue to be healthy so that I can continue to be whole, but today I am excited that I have hit a milestone on this journey. I have shed a lot of tears, done a lot of work and gone through a lot of crazy to get here, but it’s worth it.

I think if we asked a lot of people what they want it really can come down to wanting to be whole. Whole people, complete people, knowing who we are and staying true to that. I am so incredible thankful that this process has been such a huge part of my life and my wholeness.

So as I sit here, kicked back and relaxed, excited about this completed milestone, I’m thankful for the fact that it is because of this that I can continue to be the person I want to be on this great journey of life creating and living the story I know I am meant to live.

12 thoughts on “Whole.

  1. Good for you Abby – I’m so proud of you for sharing this! Life can be a struggle for many, and you realized early on that you needed some guidance. Many never seek the help, but once you find a great counselor (like you did), it makes all the difference!! Keep on growing!! Lots of love to you!! Trudy

  2. Good for you Abby – I’m so proud of you for sharing this! Life can be a struggle for many, and you realized early on that you needed some guidance. Many never seek the help, but once you find a great counselor (like you did), it makes all the difference!! Keep on growing!! Lots of love to you!! Trudy

  3. I just read this in Anne Lamott’s Stitches (which I HIGHLY recommend) after I had just finished reading your post. Maybe it’ll resonate?

    “The newly sewn curtain was fabulous, and crazy. Whereas before it had been logical and tranquil, with a lot of fabric art above, dropping to the quiet bottom half, now it was a wild lake of designs. Once it was two torn-up curtains, and now it was whole, although whole with issues. It was all oval white stained-glass appliqué with a lumpy tummy. The seams were straight, with overlaps and shadows. It looked like a tumbling trick instead of a delicate Madonna is repose, a Cirque du Soleil finale instead of the Pietà. I love it.

    Beauty is a miracle of things going together imperfectly.”

    Good for you, Abby! This is a thing of beauty!

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